Reducing Demands and Ideas for a Low-demand Summer
Over the last year and a half, I have seen how minimizing the demands on SP (and myself) has resulted in a more regulated child, parent and overall household.
What are some of the ways we reduce demands for our family?
🎽 Limiting the number of weekly after-school and weekend activities (for both SP and me).
I recognize that this can be hard, especially if your child has lots of energy and a passion for specific activities! But It CAN help to do a cost-benefit analysis, or as I like to call it, “Level of Effort vs. Rate of Return.”
🛀 Allowing for regular downtime right after school
For SP, this is often drawing on her iPad, FaceTiming with her cousin, or playing online with her friends).
🍔 Flexibility in how and where we eat dinner (sometimes at the table, sometimes in front of the TV).
This is as much for her dad and me as it is for her. We work at our dinner table (it’s our office 😅, and some days, we just can’t or don’t want to put our laptops away!)
🥄 Doing things for her when she doesn’t have the spoons*
* For example, After school, SP is responsible for taking her lunch bag out of her bag, putting her dirty containers by the sink, and putting the bag away in the lunch drawer. I will offer to do it when she has homework or has had a particularly taxing day. This is not every day, but I believe in being flexible and modelling empathy. In return, SP is more likely to help me when I ask, which is a bonus. 😉
☀️ WHAT ABOUT SUMMER? ☀️
Here are my ideas for what you can try, with a blurb about what it looks like for our family.
I do want to say that this is what works for our family, given our work schedule, our access to family support and my child’s temperament. Not all of these ideas will work for your family, nor will they, but they could be a good jumping-off point!
⛺️ Limit the number of weeks you sign your child up for camps
SP has several special interests that are “not screen-focused” at the moment, which means she spends most of her day doing those things and does not complain about when she can “play on her iPad.”
If your child has something they love to do, and there’s a camp that offers it and they are interested in going, I would suggest giving it a go! My only advice is to do one week of camp followed by at least one week off. ND kids NEED downtime even if they don’t realize it (I am one of those kids! It took me 40+ years and a pandemic to figure it out!) 😅
🛌 Flexibility with wake-up and bedtime
We don’t let SP sleep all morning, but we have removed the need to be up at a specific time. She needs a slow morning. She watches some TV in the morning while she eats breakfast (often with her dad), which helps her get ready for the day.
Bedtime is usually round 9:30-10 p.m, but can vary depending on what we are doing that evening. She often likes to end her day doing crafts or drawing, so she gets ready for bed around 8 pm and then can work on her projects for about 1.5 hours. She only needs to transition to getting into bed, which is much easier!
📋 Low demand does not mean “no responsibilities.”
SP is responsible for helping around the house. Our “philosophy” is that we are a family, so we all contribute to keeping our home a space where we can all relax. One of the new things SP is learning this summer is how to cook some easy meals (with her dad’s help and mine).
🥞 Autonomy when it comes to breakfast and lunch
SP can now make her breakfast. She usually opts for cereal, oatmeal, freezer waffles/pancakes or toast. I have let go of what she eats in the morning since she eats enough lunch and dinner now. Until she was about 10, she RARELY ate her lunch at school, so I always ensured she ate a filling breakfast.
For lunch, I have been making time around noon to help show or supervise her when she wants to make something like grilled cheese or cheesy noodles. Depending on my work schedule, she either has to wait for me to be done or make herself something she already knows how to do.
🧶 A flexible schedule of “non-screen focused” activities.
Her dad and I work most weekdays, so she is left to fill her time with things like drawing, crafting, or writing. While she isn’t allowed to spend all day on her screen, we allow flexibility for using it as a tool. She can listen to music or watch/listen to a familiar show while she works (I do this all the time, so I understand how it can help with focus and regulation).
We have had the “rule” in place for some time that she can play on her device from 3 pm until dinner (usually between 5-6 pm). She knows this, self-monitors, and checks in when it’s 3 to let us know she will start playing. This wasn’t always the case, and it was a while until we found a rhythm that worked for us. I do want to say that for some kids, screens can be very regulating if they are using them effectively, and it’s more about figuring out what works and what doesn’t work, which may take some time.
🚴♀️ Some kind of physical activity each day
This is often an hour on the exercise bike in our basement while watching Bluey episodes, especially when it’s humid and hot outside.
She also goes on bike rides and walks (sometimes with us or alone).
Since she is prone to hyper-focusing on sit-down activities (much like her parents), we have created a “rule” around this to ensure she gets the physical activity she needs.
Interestingly, most of these tips or ideas also apply to adults! If you are interested in hearing more about that, let me know!
Are you interested in hearing how I have adapted these ideas and tips for myself as an adult? If yes, let me know!
I hope these offer some valuable ideas for your own family.
I would love to hear about the strategies that have worked for you or any follow-up questions you might have.
